Messages to Dad: Father's Day

Hey dad, been a while. I hope you are well wherever you are. It's been nearly four months since you passed and it's not getting any easier. In fact, with each day, the pain is pretty unbearable at times. The loss is equal to a thousand yard, gaping hole in the earth caused by an unexpected meteor.

We celebrated your birthday. We had a First Communion. We had preschool graduation. We've celebrated some many things since you've passed and with each occasion, there was a sense of loss that was heavy on everyone's hearts.

Well, tomorrow is Father's Day. It's the first without you and to be brutally honest, it fucking sucks. Sorry for the crass words, but there's really no other way to describe it.

I've read lots of posts from friends who have lost their parents and I sort of glossed over them because up until February 26, 2012, all was well in my world.

It all came crashing down when the man upstairs decided to call your number -- way to fucking early in my opinion. Way too early.

We plan on visiting you at the cemetery and leaving you a present -- a flat stone with a special saying on it: 

"If love alone could have spared you…you would have lived forever."

It's true. 

I'll get through the day with your little Panooches and the support of your daughter-in-law, family and friends.

It's gonna bite, but as you'd say, "suck it up." 

That's what I've been trying to do dad -- suck it up -- but rather than hiding and bottling up my emotions, I try to let my fingers do the talking here and in other ways. And to be honest, I really don't care who reads this as it's for my own benefit. It helps. 

Talk to you soon pops. Miss and love ya.